You're not falling behind

I’ve been solo parenting for about 7 weeks now, fully responsible for the day-to-day process and lives of my littles, and it didn’t dawn on me just how much of an adjustment it has been until I logged into Substack and took a look at my activity here.

I think I’ve been mindful to take whatever time I have left to plan out things, create a structure, and fine-tune my kids ’ routine. I’ve been visualizing what it would take to allow me the proper space to continue to work on and build all the things I used to do in my child-free moments.

There’s a part of me that prefers this latest arrangement because the schedule in place before, while it allowed both parents to parent half and half, the longest my kids stayed in either or place was three days and I think ping ponging back and forth so quickly often ruined an emotional consistency…the settling of their nervous system…. where they would begin to settle in and have to venture right back into an ecosystem much different than where they were and that’s not to say, one place was better than the other but I parent differently and so, it had become a matter of living two lives and them finding a balance between both places.

This arrangement sort of fell on me, and I never had time to prepare, but in a way, I guess there had been a structure put in place, a foundation that would allow something like this to happen without fully breaking down.

I have always been really hands-on, and so caring for them has never been too much. The day-to-day, the presence, and so on, that’s what I was used to before packing up and moving out to begin a much-needed separation. And child-free time was new; it wasn’t something I had ever experienced in my 5 years of being a parent at that time. And to be honest, I welcomed it because I think it’s healthy to have reset moments, a time to refresh and recharge, a day or two where you can lock into your work or self-care without interruptions… especially as a creative…a writer…and the dynamic in which I had left behind was deeply detrimental to my work, the same work that allowed me to care for my children.

To those of you who are doing it all, I have a newfound respect for you! To all the parents reading this right now, who are tasked with balancing their interpersonal lives with the responsibilities of caring for their children, I give you my love, and I’m sending you positive energy!

I have these moments where I feel like I’m falling behind or maybe I’m failing you, the reader, but then I pivot into the understanding that this is a moment to level up, it’s a moment to take the stairs and move confidently toward a higher floor. It’s like I’m getting my reps in…… in an effort to become stronger, and so, that is what I’ll do, and I hope you’re doing the same.

Sometimes what appears to be an obstacle is just a chance to redirect your attention toward a path that will lead you to more than you could have even expected or dreamed.

You’re not falling behind, you’re moving forward at a pace and direction that you may not have words for yet or a full understanding of, and that’s okay. In due time, it’ll all make sense.

I wanted to write to you…. I wanted to let you know where I am right now and that I am learning the lessons and figuring out how to make my way back to you more consistently…

Thanks for reading.