Calm is Power
There was a time in my life when I believed that power resided fully by action. I thought that power meant overpowering the people who decided to upset or hurt me. My decision to respond in anger was something I’d learned from the elders in my life, and so anything less was deemed weak, but as time is a teacher, I soon discovered the power of remaining calm.
When you are calm in the face of those who wish to cause an emotional misstep in your life, you destroy the obstacles and obstructions. When you are calm in a moment where others have decided to attempt to distract you with anger, you diminish the opposition. Your silent response creates a strong sense of self-awareness and self-respect. The very presence of this can often make the other person feel small or a bit regretful about making such futile attempts at pushing your buttons.
An easy way to achieve a calm state in the face of a waged emotional war that you are not interested in engaging in is by practicing a certain level of acceptance. This was something I learned in therapy where my therapist suggested that I take a moment to be objective in any situation that would usually incite a negative response and ask myself two things?
Is this person making a mistake?
Is this person being deliberate?
Actions that cause tension, pain, or trigger an angry response can often be seen as a mistake but only if that person is someone who is usually respectful of boundaries, selfless, and considerate of other’s feelings. Someone who is self-aware and practices in forms of self-love, self self-care is sometimes prone to a mistake or misunderstanding that may hurt others.
People who deliberately trigger an anger response usually have a pattern of self-sabotage and have a difficult time self-regulating or fighting their strong impulses to disrupt the flow of peace and joy. These individuals often cause a pattern of anger, anxiety, or pain in their “ victims. “ An easy way to spot this person is by asking yourself how often they do the same particular thing that causes you to feel angry or unheard.
Having kids or just being in the presence of a toddler, a niece, or a nephew can also help you identify whether or not the person is being deliberate in their actions. Their behavior is comparable to that of a child. When I became a parent, it became apparent that I’d known so many adults who took to a behavior that resembled a child furthest from maturity, and while it is to be expected in children, your tolerance for it in adults quickly decreases, and in that, you can often find yourself responding explosively to their actions out of being surprised or dumbfounded as to why an adult would carry on in a way that causes emotional discomfort or anxiety in others.
Acceptance is the most important key.
Understanding who you’re dealing with can help you accept people for who they are and how they wish to be perceived. Acceptance can help reduce the urge to react negatively to others. I learned that over time, a response rooted in negativity just feeds negative people. The yelling just feeds them and justifies whatever script they’re following in their lives. The tension is a treat; the lies and the subtle things they do to queue up a fight are like a snack for their weary and tired hearts, but once you understand that this is what is expected, desired, and wanted, you are then in a position to silently refuse to participate in a dinner made for fools.
Acceptance allows you to instead of attempting to change or judge that person, begin to invest your energy into creating distance, and eventually, you place them behind you as you continue to walk gently into several versions of a future that is aligned with your nervous system.
Calm is power. Damn, I wish I understood that more a long time ago, but here we are.